The Void


Is this even a feeling?



Is this even a feeling?

I’m in limbo. I’m in a vast pool of white. Of nothing. I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel sad. I feel nothing.

I’m stuck in a void.

If the opposite of happiness is sadness. Why am I not sad? And if I’m not sad why am I not happy?

Why am I not feeling anything? Why can’t I escape? Why can’t I break down these walls?

This is not normal? It can’t be normal right?

Why can’t anyone hear me. I’m shouting and no one is here, no one can hear me.

I’m running and there is no end.

I feel light. But I’m heavy at the same time.

Will this end? Has it even begun?

Is this even a feeling?

I’m scared.









The heaviest tear fell down my face and landed with a thud on the front of my hoodie.

I was so tired of being like this, of feeling this way.

I wiped my eyes, smearing the salty wetness.

My vision was bleary and my nose stuffy.

All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball, turn off the lights and never come out again. But I knew there wasn’t time for this. I got up and zipped the zipper of my hoodie all the way up.

Without turning back I walked out of the door.

As the cold winters air hit my face a smile began to form on my lips.

This was only the beginning, I knew things would never be the same again.

Going back was not an option.

Writer’s Corner: Morning Pages – Songs of a Tortured Soul

My mother is a moaner. She wakes up she moans, before she sleeps she moans.

I can’t remember the last time she went a full day without moaning.

Her moans are loud roars that bounce off the walls and when she’s in a bad mood the whole house knows.

I wonder what happened to make her so bitter? What was the thing that broke inside of her, that turned off her light?

Was there ever a time when she would wake singing songs of joy?

What happened to her smile? Years of negativity have etched a permanent scowl across her face.

Her eyes are the deceivers, you can tell that deep down, locked inside her, trapped by years of hurt, an innocent and pure soul is trying to escape.

It yearns to be free, to knock down the walls that have been built up. This facade. To cast away this intruder.

But until that day, whilst it lays in wait, my mother continues on with her tirade of moans. Moaning from sunrise to sunset.

Writer’s Corner: Night Notes – Swipe Right

I am so tired of being alone!

At this point, I’m destined to be alone forever.

I’m the one that is supposed to sit on the sidelines watching everyone else couple up, smile and suck it up knowing that it will never be me.

I’m supposed to go to all the weddings without a plus one, as I watch couple after couple exchange rings; knowing that I will never feel one on my own finger.

Never will I find the other half to my whole; the person who truly gets me and who I truly get too.

I’m destined to be alone forever.

Sometimes I think, maybe I should have just settled. Settled for the men who would call to me from across the street, as if I was a dog. Men that grabbed my arms and tried to pull me back, just to get my attention. Men that came at me armed with a phone trying to force my digits out of me. Maybe if I had said yes to them I wouldn’t be so lonely now.

Maybe I’m just too picky. If I wasn’t so picky I wouldn’t spend my nights up at 2 o’clock swiping through apps just to find someone who might find me the least bit attractive.
I’m tired of building myself up, trailing through hundreds and thousands of profile pictures, finally finding someone that I think will be my perfect soulmate, only to find that they swiped left on me and what easily could have been a perfect match will never be.

I’m tired of feeling ugly and not good enough. Why can’t I have someone to steal the last fries from, someone I can put my legs across whilst we marathon through Game of Thrones, someone who knows that I’m not ticklish but knows that my Achilles heel is on the back of my neck?

I have so much love to give but no one wants to receive it. 

I’m so tired of being lonely.

Will there ever be someone out there for me?

Writer’s Corner – Night Notes – Before You

I haven’t done this in a while but here’s a little short I wrote tonight…
Droplets fall from your eyes, and slide down your face like kisses from the angels above. 

You are perfection. 

Never before has beauty such as yours been seen on this world. You radiate the very essence of it.
So as I sit here, hands shaking, holding the knife that I will soon use to end your life; I think to myself why did I put up with this for so long? Why did I allow myself to be used by you, to become your victim?

Why did I allow your beauty to cloud my brain, make me forget who I really was?

Before you I was smart. Before you I could see clearly. I would never allow anyone to ever make me feel the way that you did.

How could I be blinded by such beauty that I forgot to be me.

You look at me, your eyes bore into me, begging me to stop.

I can’t. Not this time. I am done giving into you.

I raise the knife again and plunge it into you.

I have the power now.

The Rebirth of Kemi Afolabi: Chapter Three

Sorry it’s been a while, but here is chapter 3. Enjoy.

To read the previous chapter please click here.

Please be warned there are some expletives in this chapter.


Kemi paused at the door, her hands waivered over the handle.

“You can do this,” she whispered quietly to herself, “You are the champion of your own destiny. Just go in there and tell them where to shove this soul sucking job!” 

Taking a few deep breaths she slowly turned the handle and pushed the door open.

The warm air was the first thing that hit her, and then the looks of sheer depression on her colleagues faces; emulating the same pain that she experienced on a daily basis.

Kemi’s eyes manoeuvred around the room as she desperately tried to find Katie, her line manager, who was as always, not at her desk.

Instead Katie was in her usual spot, hunched over the desk of Margaret, the supposed head of customer care and as usual they were deep in conversation about Margaret’s husbands’ latest wrongdoing. 

Yes, everyone in the office knew about Philip’s extra marital activities, whether they wanted to or not.

Still breathing slowly in and out, Kemi made a beeline over to Margaret’s desk. She cleared her throat and tapped Katie on the back.

“I was wondering if I could have a quick word with you,” she squeaked.

“One minute Kem,” said Katie without turning around, “Well you know where you can tell him to shove it don’t ya.”

“Sorry?” Kemi stuttered.

“I said one moment Kemi,” Katie replied, her bubbly voice dripping with hidden frostiness.

“Oh okay. I just…” stuttered Kemi.

“Kemi, please me and Margaret are in the middle of a really important meeting. If you could just note it down and maybe send me an email I can get to it at the end of the day.” 

“Sure.” Kemi replied deflated.

“Okay bye.” Katie turned around and continued on with her ‘advise’.

Fuck you! Fuck you! Kemi screamed in her head as she slowly slipped away and sat down. 

She couldn’t do it, she just couldn’t do it. She knew she wasn’t brave enough.

If she couldn’t even get 1 minute to speak to her line manager, how the hell was she going to pluck up the courage to tell them that she wanted to leave?

This was it! She was destined to stay here and rot forever.

She glanced back at Katie, who was still perched on the side of Margaret’s desk, head thrown back tears of laugher streaming down her face.

Oh how she, wished she could just grab her by the strands of her long brunette hair and bash it into Margaret’s computer monitor. 

Instead she turned back to her own monitor and opened her next complaint.

To whom this may concern,

I am deeply deeply upset.

I opened my package today to find that an extra shoe bag had not been included. As a long term customer of yours this is something I have come to expect and I find it deeply troubling that one was not included.

I would like some form of compensation to apologise for the pain that this has caused alongside the time I have spent contacting you.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Lucy Smith (Mrs)

Shoot me now was all that Kemi could think as she began to type out her response.


To read chapter one please click here.

The sweetness of the chocolate fudge danced on Kemi’s tongue sending shock-waves through her body.

She needed this. A morning spent tackling annoying customers who felt that their problems were the biggest of them all, had seriously drained her. She didn’t know how much longer she could take it.

The ambition that she once had, had all but drifted away and she was now just going through the motions.

She wasn’t living, she was no longer human being; she was just a cog in the machine that was a crappy company who did nothing for her.

All of these thoughts were lost as soon as the Triple Chocolate Fudge cake touched her lips, as if a magic spell had been placed upon her.

This was utter bliss. Utter chocolate heaven.

Closing her eyes she allowed herself to be consumed by the sweet goodness.

Oh how she wished that she could stay here forever but she knew she couldn’t.

It may have been Grace’s last day, but Kemi still had to work at Smash Clothing and she wasn’t about to get fired over a slab of cake no matter how tasty it was.

She opened her eyes, allowing the spell to be broken and signalled the waiter over.

“Babe I’ve got to head back.” she said to Grace who was currently under the spell of two gigantic slabs of a Red Velvet Dream cake.

Slowly opening her eyes, Grace gave Kemi a cold stare.

“Why?” she whined.

“Girl I aint about to get fired. Can I get this boxed up please,” Kemi said to the waiter as he finally approached the table. He picked up her plate and headed back behind the counter.

“I get it,” replied Grace, “You don’t want to step on the toes of the dictatorship, me however I’m just gonna chill here, savour the calm before the storm”.

“I’m so jealous I wish I had your balls,” sighed Kemi.

“Listen,” said Grace going in to serious mode, “Look at my face and watch the words that I say.”

“I’m listening,” replied Kemi.


“I can’t!”

“Yes you can, just do it babe, trust me it will feel so freeing”.

“I can’t!” Kemi wailed.

“Why? What the hell is stopping you? You don’t have any loyalties to that place and they sure don’t have any loyalties to you. They would drop you in a hot minute without a thought to it.”

The waiter came back and handed Kemi her box of cake, she smiled at him.

“I know, I know,” Kemi sighed.

“So what is stopping you?” Grace urged.

“Bills, life…” Kemi listed.

“Bills and life, are you being for real Kem? You still live at home. This is the perfect opportunity for you to leave.”

Kemi closed her eyes and exhaled.

“You’re right,” Kemi replied, “I’ve given them nearly a year of my life. Put in my blood sweat and tears and I’ve been passed over for team leader not once not twice but three times. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t allow them to continue treating me like sh*t! You’re right, I have to leave. I’m gonna tell them soon as I get back.”

“See that’s what I’m talking about! Just make sure you go back with that same energy. Good luck babe, I know you can do it.”

Grace pulled Kemi into a massive hug, squeezing the life out of her. God she was gonna miss this. Who else would do this with her? Everyone else in the office was so preoccupied with their weight and the next faddy diet, that even the word cake would be a no no.

Walking out of the bakery, Kemi took one last look back at Grace, she looked so happy, so content. Kemi wanted that. To know and understanding just how she felt. She walked on and tried her hardest to fight back the urge to cry. But she failed. Damn she was gonna miss Grace.

But she couldn’t think about that now she had a mission. She was finally going to hand in her notice. The countdown had ended, now was the time.

Check back next week to see what happens next.

The Rebirth Of Kemi Afolabi : Chapter One

Kemi stared at her computer screen, the harsh brightness bit at her eyes forcing her to blink uncontrollably. The words began to blend into one and she felt the beginnings of a migraine forming. She sighed and continued on with her reply to her customer.

Dear Sandra,

Thank you so much for getting in touch.

First let me start off by saying how incredibly sorry I am to hear about the state of your vest top. Of course you should not be receiving your vest top in such condition, I understand how distressing this can be. 

I agree that there should not have been a lose thread and I will be passing your feedback onto the team so that they can look into this and ensure that this does not happen again.

To apologise for the inconvenience caused I have sent out a gift card to the value of £10.

Please let me know if I can help with anything else.

Have a great day.


Sighing, she clicked on the send button and watched her email disappear. She clicked onto the next email and slowly felt her life drain a little bit more.

Continue reading

I am…


I am a black woman.

Words that I never really thought about before.

I was always trying to distance myself from it. Market myself as just a woman.

Why should my race have anything to do with who I am? We are all equal right? Race is nothing other than a social construct?

Ha like fuck it is! Race is real people. I live, breathe, bleed race. I am a black woman.

Now more than ever I truly see the beauty of who I am. I am done living in shadows hiding myself. Self hating. Wishing I was something else. I am done hiding behind my hands and seeing the reality of what is happening in the world. Ignoring it. Pretending that it’s not true. That it’s too far away to affect me. That it’s not my problem.

Well it is! It is real and it is happening. For too long people who look like me, who are like me, have been robbed. Robbed of their opportunity to rise, to live, to exist.

Now more than ever I know who I am. Never again will I hide myself. Try and blend in. I want the world to see me. To see us. To see we.

I am a black woman.

I am black!