15.08.18

Dry face. Dry lips. Dry hands. Dry feet.

Every inch of me was dry. My skin was screaming for some form of moisturiser but there was none around.

It was the most torturous feeling, walking around with dry skin. I wasn’t able to just hop out of the shower and go about with my day, so why did I think it was a good idea to shower here?

I mean who doesn’t have moisturiser in their house? That’s actually a sacrilege. It should be a sin not to have a least one tube of body cream in your house.

I felt like crying, real tears were threatening to fall.

I could feel the tightness from all around. It was the worst feeling ever, I felt like I was on fire.

My thoughts turned to the tube that I had placed on my dresser, the night before. It was way to big to fit in my bag, I thought at the time, but I should’ve found a way to make it work.

But living in the land of should’ve wasn’t going to make any difference now; there was no moisturiser in the here and now and there was no way to change that fact.

Begrudgingly, I began to dress and left the bathroom. I gave Godfred a nod goodbye as I stepped back into the room and he muttered a sleep laced bye.

We would be having words later.

Body cream would have to be provided next time if he was to ever expect a sleep over again.

As I made my way to the door, a bottle of Palmer’s Cocoa Butter, wedged in between the side of the bed, caught my eye.

Shaking my head I realised we must’ve knocked it off the dresser when we got in.

It was far too late to apply it now. I would just have to grin and bare it until I got home.

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05.06.18

interior of office building

The heat began to spread up my legs, if I didn’t get out of here soon I would lose consciousness. The air was beginning to get thinner and the lack of oxygen was really messing with my thinking.

This really wasn’t a great idea. In fact it was the suckiest of sucky ideas! Why the hell did I always get dragged into doing things I really didn’t want to do?

Because I was a sucker, and as always, I always went along with what everyone else said, because my voice was never strong enough.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I went to kick the edge of the wall, but Cameron’s hand reached out to stop it before it made contact.

He pushed a finger to his lips indicating that I remained silent.

I bowed my head to stop him from seeing the deep shade of crimson that was beginning to form on my cheeks.

He removed his hand from my leg and moved his ear back to the door.

I could still feel the sensation of his hand on my leg. I felt giddy inside. Cameron had actually touched me. His actual hand had been in contact with my body.

I felt like a kid in a candy store, all awash with excitement.

He turned back to look at us, made a signal with his hand, the same hand that had not so long ago been on my leg and opened the door.

It was time.

03.06.18

I felt out of place, like I didn’t belong.

Everyone seemed so shiny and here I was a full shade of grey. And not that type of grey that was all the range now. A deep rusty sort of grey.

People were milling around the room talking to each other and sipping on expensive glasses of drink.

Oh how I wished the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

Why oh why had I agreed to come to this shit?

I will be a lot of fun, Tomi had whispered in my ears, excitement brimming with every word that left her mouth.

It was so hard to say no to her when she was in this type of mood. It was so rare that she was ever that upbeat, so of course I indulged her and went along with it, allowing her to sign me up.

But now I was here, oh how I wished I could step into a time machine, fiddle around with some buttons and erase my answer yes and replace it with a no.

A guy with thicker frames than mine, began a bee line towards me.

I gulped, was he really walking towards me? Or was there a slimmer, hotter, blonder someone behind me?

I turned to look around and came face to face with the grey wall.

Nope, it was me.

“Hi,” said thick glasses frame as he finally came to a stop.

“Hi,” I murmured back, from behind my wine glass.

21.05.18

The pain bit at my stomach, I wanted to claw at it until the pain disappeared.

Why was this happening to me, I screamed as I got in all fours and rocked softly from side to side.

Another stabbing pain attacked me and I curled my toes.

This was too much to bare, I knew that people went through this everyday, but that didn’t soothe the pain away.

If only I had been more careful then I wouldn’t be in the situation that I was in now.

Tears began to form at the corner of my eyes. I knew I shouldn’t have said yes to that second helping of food.

My stomach was a mess right now.

16.05.18

The evening air danced over every inch of my exposed flesh.

I crossed and uncrossed my legs as I waited in eager anticipation for my bus.

My stomach was roaring like an untamed lion. If I didn’t get some food inside it within the next couple of minutes I didn’t know what I was going to do.

In all honesty if I did do something crazy, let’s just say I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions.

An abandoned leaf, rustled past me on the pavement. I focused on it until it was out of sight. I envied its freedom.

A lone warrior heading to God know’s where, about to experience a wealth of new opportunities and here I was stuck waiting for the 484 bus at 9:10pm.

This is what hunger, no I mean hunger did to you. I could’ve cooked something, that I knew, but I wanted something salty, greasy. Basically something that was so bad, but felt so good.

I turned up the volume in my headphones, trying to distract my stomach from thoughts of food, but it did no good. The beast was furious.

Where the fuck was this bus!

It felt like someone was taunting me. Playing some really mean games with my emotions.

All I wanted was some food. It wasn’t so much to ask for was it. I mean it was my basic human right to have food shoved into my mouth and digested.

I closed my eyes, allowing the wind to caress my face. It was kind of soothing, but not soothing enough.

Finally after what felt like a millennia, I glimpsed a flash of red in my peripheral.

I felt the beast within stand down.

04.05.18

The day had consisted of Google searches of “Will my vagina close up if I haven’t had sex in 10 years?” “Exercises to grow a booty”, and “How to lose belly fat in less than a week”.

I was starting to lose my mind.

Handing in my notice had seemed like such a good idea. Fantasies of staying at home sipping on herbal tea and living my best life, drifted through my head as I typed up mindless drivel that meant nothing to me for 37.5 hours a week.

Instead, the reality was I barely got out of bed; mattress springs were playing havoc on my back and I had put on a shit ton of weight.

Plus I literally had no one to speak to. My pillow had become my new best friend, as well as my pretend boyfriend. Such a promotion!

I had to get out of the house and do something.

But what?

I wasn’t about to spend non existent bus fare, on a journey to nowheresville.

What could a bored generation X’r on the wrong side of 25 do with herself?

See there I went again. Making excuses to stay in my pit. Nope, I was making an escape. I was just gonna go with the flow.

I searched around for a pair of leggings and proceeded to find every other pair of black clothing I owned, except for said pair of leggings.

Defeated, I decided to wear a dress. No sooner had I finished struggling with a pair of tights, that were protesting on going any further than the middle of my thighs; did I spot said pair of leggings, casually chilling on the other side of the room. Where I had tossed them two days ago, when I had ventured to the nearest Tesco Express and cheered myself up with a Chicken Fajita wrap meal deal.

Sighing, I pulled the tights off, debating whether to keep them for when I was ‘skinny’ or toss them in the bin for their disrespect. Deciding on the former, I added them to the pile on my chair that had now become my new wardrobe.

I pulled on the leggings. Admiring the power they possessed as they sucked in all of my wobbly bits and gave off the illusion that my legs and spare tyre were toned.

I walked down the stairs and grabbed my coat and hat from the cupboard.

I opened the door, allowing the sunlight to stream into the darkness.

Fresh air greeted me and the birds sang their jubilant song. I felt as if I was in a Disney film.

Armed with my Oyster card and £10 I had transferred from my savings account, I was ready to explore. I didn’t know what yet, but anything was better than being cooped up in the darkness surrounded by loneliness and stale air.

Zee’s Mini Review: Girl’s Trip

girls trip

This Saturday just gone, I had the pleasure of spending the evening with my cousins, on a Girls Night Out.

After a disastrous early dinner, we finished the evening by watching Girl’s Trip.

Here’s what I thought…

As you can tell I found it hilarious and I have a new WCW the amazingly talented Tiffany Haddish.