21.05.18

The pain bit at my stomach, I wanted to claw at it until the pain disappeared.

Why was this happening to me, I screamed as I got in all fours and rocked softly from side to side.

Another stabbing pain attacked me and I curled my toes.

This was too much to bare, I knew that people went through this everyday, but that didn’t soothe the pain away.

If only I had been more careful then I wouldn’t be in the situation that I was in now.

Tears began to form at the corner of my eyes. I knew I shouldn’t have said yes to that second helping of food.

My stomach was a mess right now.

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16.05.18

The evening air danced over every inch of my exposed flesh.

I crossed and uncrossed my legs as I waited in eager anticipation for my bus.

My stomach was roaring like an untamed lion. If I didn’t get some food inside it within the next couple of minutes I didn’t know what I was going to do.

In all honesty if I did do something crazy, let’s just say I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions.

An abandoned leaf, rustled past me on the pavement. I focused on it until it was out of sight. I envied its freedom.

A lone warrior heading to God know’s where, about to experience a wealth of new opportunities and here I was stuck waiting for the 484 bus at 9:10pm.

This is what hunger, no I mean hunger did to you. I could’ve cooked something, that I knew, but I wanted something salty, greasy. Basically something that was so bad, but felt so good.

I turned up the volume in my headphones, trying to distract my stomach from thoughts of food, but it did no good. The beast was furious.

Where the fuck was this bus!

It felt like someone was taunting me. Playing some really mean games with my emotions.

All I wanted was some food. It wasn’t so much to ask for was it. I mean it was my basic human right to have food shoved into my mouth and digested.

I closed my eyes, allowing the wind to caress my face. It was kind of soothing, but not soothing enough.

Finally after what felt like a millennia, I glimpsed a flash of red in my peripheral.

I felt the beast within stand down.

04.05.18

The day had consisted of Google searches of “Will my vagina close up if I haven’t had sex in 10 years?” “Exercises to grow a booty”, and “How to lose belly fat in less than a week”.

I was starting to lose my mind.

Handing in my notice had seemed like such a good idea. Fantasies of staying at home sipping on herbal tea and living my best life, drifted through my head as I typed up mindless drivel that meant nothing to me for 37.5 hours a week.

Instead, the reality was I barely got out of bed; mattress springs were playing havoc on my back and I had put on a shit ton of weight.

Plus I literally had no one to speak to. My pillow had become my new best friend, as well as my pretend boyfriend. Such a promotion!

I had to get out of the house and do something.

But what?

I wasn’t about to spend non existent bus fare, on a journey to nowheresville.

What could a bored generation X’r on the wrong side of 25 do with herself?

See there I went again. Making excuses to stay in my pit. Nope, I was making an escape. I was just gonna go with the flow.

I searched around for a pair of leggings and proceeded to find every other pair of black clothing I owned, except for said pair of leggings.

Defeated, I decided to wear a dress. No sooner had I finished struggling with a pair of tights, that were protesting on going any further than the middle of my thighs; did I spot said pair of leggings, casually chilling on the other side of the room. Where I had tossed them two days ago, when I had ventured to the nearest Tesco Express and cheered myself up with a Chicken Fajita wrap meal deal.

Sighing, I pulled the tights off, debating whether to keep them for when I was ‘skinny’ or toss them in the bin for their disrespect. Deciding on the former, I added them to the pile on my chair that had now become my new wardrobe.

I pulled on the leggings. Admiring the power they possessed as they sucked in all of my wobbly bits and gave off the illusion that my legs and spare tyre were toned.

I walked down the stairs and grabbed my coat and hat from the cupboard.

I opened the door, allowing the sunlight to stream into the darkness.

Fresh air greeted me and the birds sang their jubilant song. I felt as if I was in a Disney film.

Armed with my Oyster card and £10 I had transferred from my savings account, I was ready to explore. I didn’t know what yet, but anything was better than being cooped up in the darkness surrounded by loneliness and stale air.

Zee’s Mini Review: Girl’s Trip

girls trip

This Saturday just gone, I had the pleasure of spending the evening with my cousins, on a Girls Night Out.

After a disastrous early dinner, we finished the evening by watching Girl’s Trip.

Here’s what I thought…

As you can tell I found it hilarious and I have a new WCW the amazingly talented Tiffany Haddish.