29.06.18

For so long I had been overlooked.

I was never the pretty one, the funny one.

Never the one that was picked first.

Whilst others had queues around the block, I was the solo one.

Not one eye glimpsed my way.

I was the butters friend.

The one that tagged along to give support. The hype girl. There to gass up the one that they all flocked to.

What was wrong with me?

Why wasn’t I good enough?

Why did they never pick me?

Why didn’t they want me?

The ugly one.

The unwanted one.

Labels that I fixed upon myself for so long, that I truly started to believe.

I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, I was destined to stay on the shelf and never get down.

But one day I looked at myself. Really looked and I was shocked at what I saw.

I took in things that I used to think were ugly.

My lips were amazing. So many pumped chemicals into theirs, in order to get the plumpness that came so naturally to me.

My nose spoke of my history, told tales of those who came before me. Rich in their experiences, their stories, their greatness.

I was worth more than what I knew.

I didn’t need the validation of other people to prove this.

Every day that I woke up and kept being me, was testament to the greatness that I was.

Now I walk with my head held high. My feet bounce as I stride with confidence and purpose.

I live to please one person and one person only.

Me.

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I am… Recording

So I only went and recorded a copy of the piece “I am” that I wrote this morning.

This is something I’ve never done before, but I’m kinda proud that I did it.

Have a listen below.

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I am…

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I am a black woman.

Words that I never really thought about before.

I was always trying to distance myself from it. Market myself as just a woman.

Why should my race have anything to do with who I am? We are all equal right? Race is nothing other than a social construct?

Ha like fuck it is! Race is real people. I live, breathe, bleed race. I am a black woman.

Now more than ever I truly see the beauty of who I am. I am done living in shadows hiding myself. Self hating. Wishing I was something else. I am done hiding behind my hands and seeing the reality of what is happening in the world. Ignoring it. Pretending that it’s not true. That it’s too far away to affect me. That it’s not my problem.

Well it is! It is real and it is happening. For too long people who look like me, who are like me, have been robbed. Robbed of their opportunity to rise, to live, to exist.

Now more than ever I know who I am. Never again will I hide myself. Try and blend in. I want the world to see me. To see us. To see we.

I am a black woman.

I am black!