Wet and soggy. I felt gross. Like fucking shit.
My back was completely soaked.
I put my headphones in my ears and slowly opened the front door with my key, making sure not to let my keys jingle too much.
Another sharp kick, hit me in my ovaries; my cramps were on fire today. I was not in the mood for any kind of shit, especially not from him.
I hated everything about him. His face, his voice, his presence. That little smirk he made when he thought he had won.
Don’t let him get to you, they would tell me. He’s not worth it.
Of course I knew he wasn’t fucking worth it. It was all good and well putting your two cents together when you were on the outside. But this was my life, my everyday existence.
I couldn’t get away from it. His condensation, his fucking smarmy ways. I was the fucking obedient nodding dog, who kept my lips shut and agreed to everything he said.
How had he survived for so long? Weakness, roared hotly inside of my head, she was weak.
She made me sick. She was everything I didn’t want to be.
A reoccurring fear kept visiting me. What if her and I, were one in the same? What if I made the same mistakes that she had? That when I finally found someone, I too would stumble and fall, and accept every lie, every misstep, due to the fear of being alone.
My chest felt tight.
I closed the door and took my key out of the lock. I turned up the music and turned right back around.