Writer’s Corner – Me Again


I’m suffocating, drowning in this non-existence.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to punch every wall, kick every door.

I want to have a purpose, have some form of validation.

I want to exist. I want a reason to live.

I don’t want to be this invisible loner, lying here decaying.

I want my energy back, my spark.

I want to smile again, laugh until it hurts but still can’t stop.

I don’t want to be trapped here anymore. Stuck with my own thoughts as company; my captive and torturer.

I want this dull pain to stop. I want to rip it out of me. I want to throw it around, beat on it the same way it beats on me. I want to show it that I’m the one in control now.

I want to be me again.

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When your work wife tells you they’re leaving.

It’s that guttural punch to your stomach. 

The person who you’ve bonded with the most at work, the person you can’t wait to see when you first step into your office, the first person that you want to tell all your ‘oh so amazing’news to; turns around and tells you that they are leaving.

You can’t swallow, the room starts spinning, you can’t breathe. It’s at that exact second when you literally feel like your heart has broken.

You start to go through all the stages of grief:

Denial – this is not happening, she’s playing with me. She is going nowhere! We’re gonna continue sitting next to each other forever and bitch about all the people that we hate until the end of days.

Anger – how dare she leave me! Why is she so selfish! She knows that the only reason why I get up everyday and come into this place is because of her. Does she want me to survive coming into work? She must really hate me! She was never my friend.

Bargaining – if she just sees it to the end of the week she might just change her mind. Maybe if I list all the reasons why this is the best place to work and that she will never get anything better than this she will reconsider. If I find a way to finally get her office crush to speak to her that might sway her mind.

Depression – who the hell will I talk to about my fake work boyfriends now? Who will I eat lunch with. Visions of you walking in a room with a tray and no one to sit with flash in front of your eyes. Who will I bitch to about my nemesis to now? Everyone else in this office hates me, I’ll never find anyone like her again. I don’t even want to come back to work now. What if she finds a new work wife in her new job? What if this office is the only reason why we were friends in the first place and we never speak again?

Acceptance – I really want her to be happy. We will still talk to each other outside of work. Rosie seems like a nice girl, we always speak to each other in the morning and she takes the same train home as me.