I don’t feel good.
I feel sad and ashamed and lost. There’s no longer a destination for me. I’ve lost all direction.
I have no motivation. And when you don’t have motivation, what gets you up? What drives you?
Some days I feel sad. Some days I feel nothing. Some days I’m just there, floating around in a ball of distractions.
I watch TV, I read a book, play a game, speak to friends. On the rare occasion I might go for a walk. But none of those things give me satisfaction, because at the end of the day, I know I will just continue drifting off into a void of incompleteness.
The power of loneliness and unfulfillment has gripped ahold of my heart and my soul and has no plans of letting go any time soon.
I want to stop crying, hating on others joy. I don’t want to be the cynic sitting alone in the corner.
I want to live life to the fullest, experience things. I don’t want to give up on me. I don’t want to stop the growth of the person that I’m meant to be. But how do I become that person?
I once had potential. I get told that all the time. Now I sit in dark rooms, with only me for company.
I am not a friend to myself, so how can I be friends with others? Relationships that once were so strong and solid, have drifted away. I don’t want my negativity to spread to them. And without the negativity what else is there to talk about?
I don’t do anything, I haven’t experienced anything new. All I have for them is feelings of doom and gloom. I don’t want them to experience my load, so I keep it trapped it the back of my head and every now and then I offload it onto myself.
I have bruises and scars, on once perfect skin. They hide in places that others can’t see, but I know that they are there. Sometimes they feel as if they are the only ones who really know me, know the real me. Sometimes they feel as if they are my only companions. I don’t give them names though. That would be a step too far.
I just want to feel happy. Have a sense of worth. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.
I want to feel good.