Who knows why I did it. I don’t even know.
As I stood there wiping my hands on my jeans I exhaled. The cold air bit into my skin. But on the inside I felt numb. I continued walking battling through the night making my way towards the exit. But it felt as if I was in a never ending maze. I passed tree upon tree each tree looking the same playing and toying with me as if to make me believe that I was going in circles.
My feet ached and my legs felt heavy, yet I carried on. Nothing could stop me from reaching my goal.
Finally after what felt like an enternity I reached the clearing of the woods. Birds began singing their morning song. Tears began to stream uncontrollably down my face. I could taste salt.
As I stepped out of the woods. My vision became blurry I wanted to fall to the ground but my legs would not allow me and on I walked.
The darkness around me slowly trickled into light. Soon people would awake and they would see me. They couldn’t see me like this!
My walk became a brisk one until I was running. My legs pumping against the ground. Propelling me on.
The familiar curve of my road came into my sight. I fumbled in my jeans for my keys and freed them from my pocket.
As I entered my house. I closed the door and crumbled to the floor. My body shook as hot tears came again. My howls silent as to not wake anyone up.
After what felt like a lifetime I picked myself up and went into the bathroom.
I couldn’t turn on the light. I didn’t want to see my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t want to see what I had become.
I stepped into the shower. I turned the nozzle to the highest setting that my body could take and allowed the water to wash away my sins.
Clumps of mud fell from me as well as the blood that had dried on my body. They mixed with each other at the bottom of the shower. Dancing with each other as they slowly disappeared down the drain until the water was clear.
If I could stay here all day I would. But I knew that I couldn’t. I grabbed my towel of the rack and cacooned myself inside. The warmth of it was so comforting. I felt safe. But i knew I wasn’t.
When I finally made it to my bed. I laid my head down and sleep took over me like a hungry child.
It was over for now.