I have started to get severe writers block over that past couple of months, so I have challenged myself to start writing everyday from the moment that I wake up and just let it flow.
These pieces will all be mostly unedited and very random but it allows me to exercise my creativity without having a filter.
Here is one that I wrote this morning:
I am calm calmer than a rainbow and an untouched sea. I want to stay like this forever but I know I can’t. I know that there is a storm hurt over the horizon. Why? Why can’t I be like this forever. Lying here I this serenity soaking up all that is joy. Being at one with myself.
Sometimes I can’t bear to look at myself. I can’t believe that this is me. I think to myself, is the way that I see me, the way that others see me too? Do they see me as a monster something to cower away from. Or do they see me as a delight, something to revel in.
I allow my eyes to travel across my body. I take in things that I like and things that I hate. The things that I hate outweigh the things that I like. The likes falling into pits of nothingness never to be looked upon again. Whilst the hates shine brightly from above forcing me the rejoice from below. Screeching at me for my attention and never allowing me to forget.
I am my biggest tormentor. My worst enemy. The things that I say to myself, I would never utter to another. Never allow that acid that my tongue allows to trick me with trick another. Why do I allow my mind to think and say such things. Why can’t I shut the voice down. Tie it up. Lock it in a box and throw it into the sea. Into the black abyss. Falling deeper and deeper into the unexplored Unknown.
As I write this I know that this will never happen. I am too weak. The words have overpowered me and I am it’s victim, its prey. I will never escape.
I lay here silent. I allow the storm to encase my soul as it chips away at everything that made me pure. And I allow myself to drift away with it.