Regret is a deeper wound than failure.

I have a big fear of failing and that is why 99.9% I don’t go after the things I love or want to do.

Nearly a year ago I saw an advert for a Dreamgirls open audition, for a west end performance of the show.

Now those that know me know that I am in love with Dreamgirls. Ever since I watched the movie I have been obsessed. 

I have the official soundtrack and even managed to pick up the screenplay from a bookshop from my vacay to L.A last year.
When the movie first came out I fell in love. I was in total awe of Jenifer Hudson.

I even watched the Broadway performance of ‘And I am telling you I’m not going’ like a hundred million times.

I  also know all the lyrics to ‘It’s all over’. All of the parts. All of the parts!

“I turn my back and I find my self out on the line. You coulda warned me but that woulda been too kind..”

Sorry I’ll stop there.

Sometimes I find myself bursting into song and singing a random song from the soundtrack. It got so bad, that there was actually a time where I would burst into song in the street and sing the ears off one of my closest friends.

I walk talk and talk non stop about how I wanted to produce my own version of Dreamgirls and bring it to London. On and on I went.

So when the opportunity to actually be in a real live official performance of my ultimate show. I chocked. I literally chocked. I just couldn’t go to the audition. All these naysaying thoughts ran through my head.

“You’re not good enough.”

“You’re not a singer.”

“You’re voice is not on par with the other people who probably have amazing voices.”

On and on I went. I talked myself out of it and I never went. 

This week an email arrived in my inbox offering me a deal on tickets to the show and I nearly died.

A big shadow of doom and gloom washed over me and the deep set feeling of regret burned inside of me.

If only I had gone, I might be in the show right now, instead of being miserable.

But no I didn’t go and all I’m left with is the ‘if only’s’.

The feeling of regret and the shoulda would coulda’s burns brighter and cuts deeper than failing to get something. Because at least if you fail at something you can turn around and say “hey well at least I attempted it and I lived to tell the tale”.

A lesson I have learnt is that I should never fear the thought of failing. I mean I did the XFactor audition and failed at that and I came out the other side smiling and now I have a interesting fact about myself. And that was hella embarrassing. But alack that story is for another time.

So boys and girls the moral of today’s tale. Is to reach for the stars. If you truly madly deeply want something. Go after it. Because it’s better to have tried and either failed or succeeded, rather than to have lived life with deep regrets. 

😎

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