So it’s an unknown secret that I’ve dabbled in the world of acting.
Okay so I’m not an A-list star, and I haven’t been in anything that I can scream from the rooftops about. But since for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be an actor.
I would watch movies and TV shows, go to the theatre and think, this is me, this is what I want to do.
But due to factors in life including lack of support and lack of self belief, I’ve never really taken big steps in order to follow that dream. And it really saddens me, because I feel like I’ve missed out on so many opportunities.
I’ve never really been that vocal about about my dream, only a few of my nearest and dearest know about my passion, they’ve come to see me in shows and watched things that I have done; but they practically had to force it out of me as deep down I didn’t want them to think that I wasn’t good enough, that I should focus my energies on something else.
My biggest fear is looking like an idiot, of making a fool of myself and I didn’t want people thinking I looked like a fool. That I could never be an actor. I just wasn’t that great, I wasn’t good enough.
But ‘Dammit’ I’m tired, tried of talking myself out of things, of showing people a side of me that I love; of hiding behind my fears. Because at the end of the day, fear is never going to let me live out my dreams, it’s only going to let me sit there, watching opportunities fly by and dragging me into this deep dark pit of emptiness and unhappiness.
After sitting down with a good friend recently and opening up about our fears of being judged for having creative passions; we realised that it was in fact our own selves that were holding us back from pursuing our dreams. But I think it’s high time we stopped listening to that voice, to our biggest critic, and we say screw you, I can do this!
So from today I want to shut that fear down, I want to squish it and squish it, push it into a tiny box and throw it away. I want to be brave!
Here I go.
So for the past few months, I’ve been filming a few random improv videos on my phone and uploading them on to YouTube. The quality is hella poor, and I swear you can hear my fridge humming in some of them, but they are out there. I filmed them because I was tired of sitting on my lardass and not doing any acting but they were just sitting there with noone watching them, but now I want to share them with you.
So here it is people, here is Zainab The Actor.